当我的孩子行为不端时，很容易识别。一个孩子说“我想要那个玩具”，然后从兄弟的手中猛拉它。当我听到他的愤怒时，我甚至没有两个步骤介意，因为他犁了他的大姐姐。现在我的两个孩子都被锁在玩具上，脸红，呜咽。干预必须发生，对吗？我将它高到我咆哮的孩子身上，撬开它们，并相应地解决了情况。也许是我的母亲本能尽可能长时间保持活力，但是知道何时到父母的时候知道这一要素并不难。棘手的部分正在为每个事件实施一个人，这将有助于我的孩子成熟，负责任，体贴的功能性成年人，他们可以为自己思考并追求生命中的健康道路。没有压力，对吗？父母是我们孩子的行为的法官，陪审团和刽子手。 That’s a ton of power that can be misused so easily. Many story lines in movies explore this topic of abusing power (e.g. "Captain America: Civil War," "Spider-Man," "Mean Girls"). Some examples of how that can manifest itself in parenting are yelling at a child, verbal or physical abuse, emotional manipulation such as playing the “victim” to guilt a child, and so on. Children can’t verbalize their emotional needs to us very well. It’s not like a kindergartener is going to say, “Mommy, I would grow up with a much higher self-esteem if you didn’t call me that.” It’s up to us to protect our children, even if it means protecting them from our potential abuse of parental power.
我真的很想学习如何有效，精心，明智地训练我的孩子。但怎么样？当我读书时，答案开始了“怎么真正爱你的孩子“by Dr. Ross Campbell. He said so many parents simply address their child’s behavior. Instead we must explore the root of the issue. We must seek our child’s heart. I began asking myself new questions. “What is my child’s motivation for acting this way? Where did this pattern of bad behavior start? How can I speak into that?” Shortly after, I started conducting what I call “mom audits.” A mom audit is when you analyze your own actions, feelings, motives, etc. in any given parenting situation. I think we audit our children’s behavior all the time. If I see my daughter melt down as she struggles to put on a sock, for example, I check the clock. My quick audit usually shows me it’s near nap or bedtime, hence the meltdown. If we didn’t audit our children’s behavior, we’d have a difficult time assessing what they need. I believe the same is true for us. When we don’t check in with our own heart and mind, we might also miss the parenting consequences that follow. For example, one day I noticed my three-year-old acting up more than normal. He’s a placid kid, but for some reason he couldn’t quick picking on his sister. My efforts to correct his behavior didn’t seem to phase him. He’d tease her and land in a timeout or lose a privilege. When I tried to speak with him about his actions, he just pulled away more. He didn’t seem tired, hungry, ill, or lacking activities to stimulate his mind. It was frustrating, and although I was keeping my cool, I began to see why some parents lose it. That’s when I remembered to stop correcting the behavior and explore my son’s heart instead. What he was doing to his sister was wrong, but what was behind it? I began asking myself some tougher questions. Through my first mom audit, I found powerful answers.
我今天做出了良好选择时，我多久称赞我的儿子？当他改进时，我是否提供了任何积极的加强？我有时间跪下来说我最近对他的感到骄傲吗？我的审计帮助我发现我的儿子更加关注。他将通过任何必要的方法来实现它，这意味着它的大部分是消极的。我决定缩小我的工作，和他一起下车，并随着他在长线上连接了他的玩具火车。他看到我坐下的那一刻，他点亮了，开始叙述了有关他玩具的所有重要细节。然后，我的儿子说，“看着这件事。”他在播放室的地板上赛车，直到另一侧坠入塑料倾销卡车。他转身遇见了我的凝视。 “Did you see that, Mom?” I smiled and said “Yes.” The smile on my son’s face said it all. It was in this moment I realized, my son had just audited me. Our children see so much, don’t they? My son desperately craved my attention and when I finally consented, he accepted it with open arms. My son and I still discussed his defiant behavior from earlier. You’ll never hear me say to stop disciplining your child. I believe it’s an act of love for parents to hold their children accountable, to be consistent, and to help them understand the consequences of their actions. However, we must also pursue their heart. All children are different and will crave different things. "孩子的五种爱情语言“是帮助您了解对您孩子更加爱的最佳资源。我的女儿所以经常比赛车玩耍，比赛车同在，像她的兄弟一样。当我和她一起检查自己，我问我是否’ve spoken those life-giving words to her soul yet. Through this auditing process, I’ve become a student of my children’s hearts. My hope is that they’ll grow up knowing, even when their negative actions lead to punishment, they are valued, protected, and always loved.